Mother's Day: A Journey Through Joy and Grief

I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with Mother’s Day.

Before we adopted our two children, the day was heart-wrenching. I would cry because I wasn’t a mom and couldn’t have kids. I felt robbed. Church was especially hard—so many talks about how wonderful their mothers were. It was a painful reminder of what I longed for but didn't have.

Then we adopted our kids, and Mother’s Day became a mix of joy and sorrow. I was deeply grateful to be a mom, yet I couldn't help but think of the two other women who no longer had their children. I wept for them, feeling the weight of their loss intertwined with my gain.

As the kids grew older, Mother’s Day turned into a day of reflection on my perceived shortcomings as a mom. That self-scrutiny only intensified during their teenage years.

Now, with my son having passed away, Mother’s Day has become overwhelming. I've learned to give myself grace. While I regularly attend church, I've realized it's okay to skip events that bring too much heartache. I don't attend church meetings on that day because I just cry. It doesn't make me weak; it makes me aware of what I need.

I choose to spend the day in ways that feel right—celebrating with loved ones or not celebrating at all, depending on my needs at the time.

There will be many holidays where our loved ones are missing. Take time to honor them—or not. The choice is yours. You don't have to conform to others' expectations.

Your grief is yours.